resilience

Like Rip Van Winkle Waking Up

In an essay entitled, “The Man on the Train”, Walker Percy recounts the life of a man very much in control. He gets up at the same time every morning, eats the same breakfast, goes to work taking the same train at the same time. He manages his routines carefully at work and goes home on the same train and engages his predictable routine at home. From all outward appearances he is a man who is “making it”. He is climbing the corporate ladder, his marriage seems strong, his kids are going to the finest school.

Yet inside the man is empty. His feeling toward life is vapid, caught in the grip of nothingness. There is a huge incongruity between the appearances of his outward life and his sense of meaninglessness on the inside. As the author continues, the man is waiting at the same station for the same train when he suffers a massive heart attack. In the blink of an eye his world is turned upside down and out of his control. He finds himself being rushed to a hospital he has never visited in an ambulance he has never ridden in being worked on by people he has never met. Strangers in a strange land.

Soon he’s lying on a gurney being whisked away to surgery. On his way to the operating room he becomes transfixed on his right hand. It mesmerizes him. He is overwhelmed by its complexity and intricacy and wondered how he overlooked it all his life. The skin had a beautiful translucence he never noticed before. Even the overlay of liver spots on the top of his hand takes on a deeper meaning for him on aging. What a magnificent appendage the hand is!

The surgery is a success and he finds himself back at home with his family. The house never seemed so big and his love for his family never seemed so expansive. His job became a nuisance as he began to align who he is inside with the life seen on the outside. He decides to quit his high paying job for one that pays less but is more fulfilling. He begins to court his wife again and reconnect with his kids in ways he never did before. His life has been transformed by an unexpected event in his overly predictable life and meaning restored by what was right in front of him all along.

The author concludes the essay by pointing out that this man, who is now finally aligned to the core of his being, is like “Rip Van Winkle waking up.” To awaken to a new world after being “asleep” and unaware is a renewal of meaning and a gift toward fulfillment. It usually takes an unexpected and threatening event to rouse us from our slumber. Some mystics call it the “dark night of the soul”. Others call it a “tragedy” and some others simply, a “tough time”. Whatever you want to call it, meaning is often birthed from hardship and beauty often recognized through pain.

Are the any examples of lives transformed and deepened by pain, hardship, and unexpected events? Comment here>>

Tactics for Tough Times: Don’t Go it Alone

Our country values the myth of the “rugged individualist”. We are enamored with the resolve of one person to succeed in the midst of adversity. We have been socialized through cultural influences to believe that we, too, must be a rugged individualist.  In fact, popular culture perpetuates the message that you are the most important person in the world- “this Bud’s for you”. You can do it!

When it comes to thriving in change and creating a life you love, it has to be accomplished with others. Comrades. Amigos. Family. Because the fact of the matter is, none of us is as smart as all of us. Community works.

If we want to strengthen our resilience, our thriveability, we can’t go it alone. We must rely on our relational resources.

  • Our social networks. Given the technology that was available back in the 1960′s, it was suggested we were six degrees removed from anybody else on the planet. Remember the game “six degrees of Kevin Bacon”? It meant that between you and anyone else on the planet there were only five other people. Find the right people and you could meet anyone. With today’s technology that separation is now three degrees. Two other people are needed to meet anyone else in the entire world. My wife and I discovered fairly quickly that we are three degrees removed from Barak Obama in two ways (punchline here). So, your social networks can help you to not go it alone. There is understandable caution on digital relationships, but the collective hive can often provide resources you are looking for.
  • Our intimate bonds. Let me ask a question: “how do you know who you are?” Really, how do you know?. I would answer by stating we know who we are only because we are in close relationships with other people. Our closest friends and allies are those who know us well, who have helped define us, and keep us honest when we deviate from that identity. They reflect back to us the core elements, good and bad, of what makes us, us. When I was at a very low point in my life, my counselor told me to give people the honor of ministering to me. Though it went against my “rugged individualist” nurturing,  I humbly relied on a select few, intimate friendships to help move through the tough time. I thank God for them everyday.

What might keep us from close relationships? Is there anything practical we can do to nurture the relationships we have? I’d love  your comments

 

 

Is Depression worth it?

I read a very interesting article in the New York Times. It investigated a question I’ve asked for a long time: Is there an evolutionary advantage to depression? In other words, why is it still around? Does its hanging around confer an advantage to live stronger lives? Because of my bipolar disorder, I’ve lived with bone jarring depression most of my life. It’s dark, miserable, can decrease life spans, and wreaks havoc in almost all areas of a sufferers life. Is depression worth it?

I won’t bore you with the details of the article here, but I encourage you to read it. When all was said and done the conclusion stated that even if depression did give us some sort of advantage as human beings, it doesn’t make it any more desirable than other maladies such as cancer and heart disease. I concur.

Depression is an expert in wringing out hope from your life and knows exactly how to decimate one’s confidence and self-esteem. It’s all about suffering. It strains relationships and stalls careers. I have to work everyday to free myself from its persistent grasp. But I’m not alone. I have an amazing wife and family; fantastic friends, a God who cares, and the gift of treatment options that weren’t available even five years ago.  I am learning to thrive. It’s what I have to do everyday. It’s what we all have to do. It’s what we all need to do.

Given the massive disruptions of our modern world, depression is only going to increase. According to the World Health Organization depression is the leading cause of disability and projected to be the second leading contributor to the global burden of disease. It’s debilitating. Does its increasing prevalence portend some hidden asset to help us through the human condition? Is it setting us up for some kind of big breakthrough? I don’t think so.

But ask me if bipolar and its depression has been worth it for me, nine times out of ten I will give you a resounding, unequivocal NO! But there is that one time, the affirmative answer that haunts me. Despite its cruelty, depression has connected me to the deep angst of people’s pain and  compelled me to be thankful for every moment it’s not around. Though I desperately want it out of my life, it has given me the passion to “re-imagine a hope-filled world”. That’s my big why. It’s my desire for every keynote I give, training I conduct, and relationship I have. Maybe depression has set me up to be uniquely relevant and useful in this shaken, uncertain, and disruptive world. Curious that.