Hope

Like Rip Van Winkle Waking Up

In an essay entitled, “The Man on the Train”, Walker Percy recounts the life of a man very much in control. He gets up at the same time every morning, eats the same breakfast, goes to work taking the same train at the same time. He manages his routines carefully at work and goes home on the same train and engages his predictable routine at home. From all outward appearances he is a man who is “making it”. He is climbing the corporate ladder, his marriage seems strong, his kids are going to the finest school.

Yet inside the man is empty. His feeling toward life is vapid, caught in the grip of nothingness. There is a huge incongruity between the appearances of his outward life and his sense of meaninglessness on the inside. As the author continues, the man is waiting at the same station for the same train when he suffers a massive heart attack. In the blink of an eye his world is turned upside down and out of his control. He finds himself being rushed to a hospital he has never visited in an ambulance he has never ridden in being worked on by people he has never met. Strangers in a strange land.

Soon he’s lying on a gurney being whisked away to surgery. On his way to the operating room he becomes transfixed on his right hand. It mesmerizes him. He is overwhelmed by its complexity and intricacy and wondered how he overlooked it all his life. The skin had a beautiful translucence he never noticed before. Even the overlay of liver spots on the top of his hand takes on a deeper meaning for him on aging. What a magnificent appendage the hand is!

The surgery is a success and he finds himself back at home with his family. The house never seemed so big and his love for his family never seemed so expansive. His job became a nuisance as he began to align who he is inside with the life seen on the outside. He decides to quit his high paying job for one that pays less but is more fulfilling. He begins to court his wife again and reconnect with his kids in ways he never did before. His life has been transformed by an unexpected event in his overly predictable life and meaning restored by what was right in front of him all along.

The author concludes the essay by pointing out that this man, who is now finally aligned to the core of his being, is like “Rip Van Winkle waking up.” To awaken to a new world after being “asleep” and unaware is a renewal of meaning and a gift toward fulfillment. It usually takes an unexpected and threatening event to rouse us from our slumber. Some mystics call it the “dark night of the soul”. Others call it a “tragedy” and some others simply, a “tough time”. Whatever you want to call it, meaning is often birthed from hardship and beauty often recognized through pain.

Are the any examples of lives transformed and deepened by pain, hardship, and unexpected events? Comment here>>

Is Depression worth it?

I read a very interesting article in the New York Times. It investigated a question I’ve asked for a long time: Is there an evolutionary advantage to depression? In other words, why is it still around? Does its hanging around confer an advantage to live stronger lives? Because of my bipolar disorder, I’ve lived with bone jarring depression most of my life. It’s dark, miserable, can decrease life spans, and wreaks havoc in almost all areas of a sufferers life. Is depression worth it?

I won’t bore you with the details of the article here, but I encourage you to read it. When all was said and done the conclusion stated that even if depression did give us some sort of advantage as human beings, it doesn’t make it any more desirable than other maladies such as cancer and heart disease. I concur.

Depression is an expert in wringing out hope from your life and knows exactly how to decimate one’s confidence and self-esteem. It’s all about suffering. It strains relationships and stalls careers. I have to work everyday to free myself from its persistent grasp. But I’m not alone. I have an amazing wife and family; fantastic friends, a God who cares, and the gift of treatment options that weren’t available even five years ago.  I am learning to thrive. It’s what I have to do everyday. It’s what we all have to do. It’s what we all need to do.

Given the massive disruptions of our modern world, depression is only going to increase. According to the World Health Organization depression is the leading cause of disability and projected to be the second leading contributor to the global burden of disease. It’s debilitating. Does its increasing prevalence portend some hidden asset to help us through the human condition? Is it setting us up for some kind of big breakthrough? I don’t think so.

But ask me if bipolar and its depression has been worth it for me, nine times out of ten I will give you a resounding, unequivocal NO! But there is that one time, the affirmative answer that haunts me. Despite its cruelty, depression has connected me to the deep angst of people’s pain and  compelled me to be thankful for every moment it’s not around. Though I desperately want it out of my life, it has given me the passion to “re-imagine a hope-filled world”. That’s my big why. It’s my desire for every keynote I give, training I conduct, and relationship I have. Maybe depression has set me up to be uniquely relevant and useful in this shaken, uncertain, and disruptive world. Curious that.

Become who you really are

1Lr9p08V8n2_emyvZw602h_dvhUqvFqc9yA1XF7Atsxqd-l0a1FnHyI_69baJtu-45ksdT8AgGo_5B_9Q43MDEt1K_TfBFzTHOz5uFJ4jVeVxNt3dv17Nq1okXSQs4aXVWwzeSxB8jJsMpP93UsnvPiWZ-us0gY80G4sZWm0tGP_9uPktdA5cnSRyroHsOmjp2L93vKenBI There was an unemployed man looking for work. He found an opening at a zoo that was looking for someone to dress in a gorilla costume and sit in a cage. The real gorilla, the star attraction, had passed away and they didn't want to let the visitors know.

He figured he could that. He applied, got the job, and began to sit in the cage in the gorilla costume. He got bored so he began to jump around and act "gorilla like". He found out that the more animated he became with the gorilla moves, the more elated the audience became. He was intoxicated with the accolades, so he thought he would really work the crowd.

He began swinging on a vine, and on his third pass he slipped and flew right into the lion's cage. He realized he was in grave danger so he began to tell the audience that he really wasn't a gorilla, he was only dressing up in a costume and they needed to get help.

Before he could get the message completely out, the lion pounced on the man, pinned him to the ground and said, "Would you shut up! Do you want to get us both found out?!"

Most people spend the first half of their lives being what others expect them to be. They then spend the second half of their lives being what they were made for in the first place. But why wait til then to to become an authentic person? Becoming who you really are requires some bold moves.

First you must get out of your costume. Undress yourself from market definitions of who you are supposed to be. Become unbranded from product lines and become your own brand. Do the hard work of discerning what expectations from others are accurate and which are unreasonable. I think your gut knows the difference. This will make you a new person.

Then become free from your cage. If ignorance is bliss, then we have alot of contented people in the world. Don't believe everything you read or hear. Take the time to think and determine where you are being locked in by biases (yours and others), past disappointments and other restrictive components of life. Change and healing begins with you. Often our cages are locked from the inside.

Finally, venture out into the wild. The philosopher David Henry Thoreau said that the "mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation." Often what is called resignation is in reality desperation. Out into the wild is really a part of the life you live now. To be out of your costumes and free from your cages opens a whole new adventure for the life you are already living. Doing this will give you a whole new purpose.