Category Archives: Depth

Is Depression worth it?

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I read a very interesting article in the New York Times. It investigated a question I’ve asked for a long time: Is there an evolutionary advantage to depression? In other words, why is it still around? Does its hanging around confer an advantage to live stronger lives? Because of my bipolar disorder, I’ve lived with bone jarring depression most of my life. It’s dark, miserable, can decrease life spans, and wreaks havoc in almost all areas of a sufferers life. Is depression worth it?

I won’t bore you with the details of the article here, but I encourage you to read it. When all was said and done the conclusion stated that even if depression did give us some sort of advantage as human beings, it doesn’t make it any more desirable than other maladies such as cancer and heart disease. I concur.

Depression is an expert in wringing out hope from your life and knows exactly how to decimate one’s confidence and self-esteem. It’s all about suffering. It strains relationships and stalls careers. I have to work everyday to free myself from its persistent grasp. But I’m not alone. I have an amazing wife and family; fantastic friends, a God who cares, and the gift of treatment options that weren’t available even five years ago.  I am learning to thrive. It’s what I have to do everyday. It’s what we all have to do. It’s what we all need to do.

Given the massive disruptions of our modern world, depression is only going to increase. According to the World Health Organization depression is the leading cause of disability and projected to be the second leading contributor to the global burden of disease. It’s debilitating. Does its increasing prevalence portend some hidden asset to help us through the human condition? Is it setting us up for some kind of big breakthrough? I don’t think so.

But ask me if bipolar and its depression has been worth it for me, nine times out of ten I will give you a resounding, unequivocal NO! But there is that one time, the affirmative answer that haunts me. Despite its cruelty, depression has connected me to the deep angst of people’s pain and  compelled me to be thankful for every moment it’s not around. Though I desperately want it out of my life, it has given me the passion to “re-imagine a hope-filled world”. That’s my big why. It’s my desire for every keynote I give, training I conduct, and relationship I have. Maybe depression has set me up to be uniquely relevant and useful in this shaken, uncertain, and disruptive world. Curious that.

Testicular cancer? No problem

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There are many tough, challenging times in life, but the critical component in all of them is choosing how we are going to respond. In the silly movie Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story there is an exchange in a bar between Peter La Fleur the star player and Lance Armstrong the seven time Tour de France winner.

Peter is near the end of his desire to hang in there. His team is losing and his performance on the Dodgeball court has been abysmal. He is nursing a beer confiding to Lance Armstrong (A dodgeball fan by the way) that he has just quit.

“Quit?” Lance replies. “You know, once I was thinking about quitting when I was diagnosed with brain, lung and testicular cancer, all at the same time. But with the love and support of my friends and family, I got back on the bike and I won the Tour de France five times in a row. But I'm sure you have a good reason to quit. So what are you dying from that's keeping you from the finals?”

Peter with his head bowed low answers that it feels a bit like shame.

“Well,” Lance added, “I guess if a person never quit when the going got tough, they wouldn't have anything to regret for the rest of their life. But good luck to you Peter. I'm sure this decision won't haunt you forever.”

Giving in to the extremely tough times will haunt you forever. Getting up from them, gritting your teeth, and becoming stronger will bring a fullness of life and depth of accomplishments you couldn’t get any other way.

Why depression will persist

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I've often wondered what evolutionary purpose depression serves. Its been around as long as the human race has walked this earth. Because it has persisted so long and has not been phased out, it must be beneficial to our survival right?. But why?

When I'm in its throes, I don't considered my depression as beneficial to my life. Even its effects on my life have been challenging: It has stalled my life vocationally, strained relationships, and done a real number on my self-esteem. Yet reluctantly I believe it must persist. It must not be eradicated fully.  Here are my reasons:

  1. In order to experience the full spectrum of human emotion, depression must be part of the mix. You cannot define happiness unless you can reference it to sadness. The reverse is also true.
  2. It slows us down and causes us to ponder the deeper issues of humanity. Most of the great poetry and artisitic confrontation with the world has been birthed in the depressed heart of the artist.  It gives the existential questions of life an honest hearing.
  3. Enjoyment of life is fully seized. Because of my depression, I am much more intentional about making my life truly significant. Time with my kids and wife and others is rarely squandered in my better moments.  I gotta seize the day.
  4. Depression makes us empathetic to the pain of others. People who have experienced deep depression can resonate deeply with another's pain, no matter how intense. It provides comfort and consolation.
  5. It inspires us to make the needed changes to make our world a better place. There is much about our society and world that is less than inspiring (you know intuitively what they are). In fact they can be downright depressing. Confronting the tough issues and helping to transform our world so they no longer drag down the heart is essential for a better world and a movement toward a meaningful future.

As much as I dread the moment of agony I know will come again, I persist in the belief that its gotta be good for my soul – and so I carry on…