Jan 19 2012

Tactics for Tough Times: Don’t Go it Alone

Our country values the myth of the “rugged individualist”. We are enamored with the resolve of one person to succeed in the midst of adversity. We have been socialized through cultural influences to believe that we, too, must be a rugged individualist.  In fact, popular culture perpetuates the message that you are the most important person in the world- “this Bud’s for you”. You can do it!

When it comes to thriving in change and creating a life you love, it has to be accomplished with others. Comrades. Amigos. Family. Because the fact of the matter is, none of us is as smart as all of us. Community works.

If we want to strengthen our resilience, our thriveability, we can’t go it alone. We must rely on our relational resources.

  • Our social networks. Given the technology that was available back in the 1960′s, it was suggested we were six degrees removed from anybody else on the planet. Remember the game “six degrees of Kevin Bacon”? It meant that between you and anyone else on the planet there were only five other people. Find the right people and you could meet anyone. With today’s technology that separation is now three degrees. Two other people are needed to meet anyone else in the entire world. My wife and I discovered fairly quickly that we are three degrees removed from Barak Obama in two ways (punchline here). So, your social networks can help you to not go it alone. There is understandable caution on digital relationships, but the collective hive can often provide resources you are looking for.
  • Our intimate bonds. Let me ask a question: “how do you know who you are?” Really, how do you know?. I would answer by stating we know who we are only because we are in close relationships with other people. Our closest friends and allies are those who know us well, who have helped define us, and keep us honest when we deviate from that identity. They reflect back to us the core elements, good and bad, of what makes us, us. When I was at a very low point in my life, my counselor told me to give people the honor of ministering to me. Though it went against my “rugged individualist” nurturing,  I humbly relied on a select few, intimate friendships to help move through the tough time. I thank God for them everyday.

What might keep us from close relationships? Is there anything practical we can do to nurture the relationships we have? I’d love  your comments

 

 

By Jeff Vankooten • Change, Collaboration, Friendship, Integrity, marriage, resilience, Robust Collaboration • 1 • Tags: , , , ,

Jan 18 2012

Is Depression worth it?

I read a very interesting article in the New York Times. It investigated a question I’ve asked for a long time: Is there an evolutionary advantage to depression? In other words, why is it still around? Does its hanging around confer an advantage to live stronger lives? Because of my bipolar disorder, I’ve lived with bone jarring depression most of my life. It’s dark, miserable, can decrease life spans, and wreaks havoc in almost all areas of a sufferers life. Is depression worth it?

I won’t bore you with the details of the article here, but I encourage you to read it. When all was said and done the conclusion stated that even if depression did give us some sort of advantage as human beings, it doesn’t make it any more desirable than other maladies such as cancer and heart disease. I concur.

Depression is an expert in wringing out hope from your life and knows exactly how to decimate one’s confidence and self-esteem. It’s all about suffering. It strains relationships and stalls careers. I have to work everyday to free myself from its persistent grasp. But I’m not alone. I have an amazing wife and family; fantastic friends, a God who cares, and the gift of treatment options that weren’t available even five years ago.  I am learning to thrive. It’s what I have to do everyday. It’s what we all have to do. It’s what we all need to do.

Given the massive disruptions of our modern world, depression is only going to increase. According to the World Health Organization depression is the leading cause of disability and projected to be the second leading contributor to the global burden of disease. It’s debilitating. Does its increasing prevalence portend some hidden asset to help us through the human condition? Is it setting us up for some kind of big breakthrough? I don’t think so.

But ask me if bipolar and its depression has been worth it for me, nine times out of ten I will give you a resounding, unequivocal NO! But there is that one time, the affirmative answer that haunts me. Despite its cruelty, depression has connected me to the deep angst of people’s pain and  compelled me to be thankful for every moment it’s not around. Though I desperately want it out of my life, it has given me the passion to “re-imagine a hope-filled world”. That’s my big why. It’s my desire for every keynote I give, training I conduct, and relationship I have. Maybe depression has set me up to be uniquely relevant and useful in this shaken, uncertain, and disruptive world. Curious that.

By Jeff Vankooten • adaptation, Attitude, depression, Depth, despair, Hope, resilience • 3 • Tags: , ,

Jan 16 2012

Tactics for Tough Times: Take time to think

There’s concern we’re googling more and thinking less. When an answer is an easy mouse click away, we don’t need to do the hard work of thinking through an answer ourselves.

With an increasing amount of information being offered through an unending array of choices, we tend to become numb to it all.  We can be lulled into a catatonic state by the information assaulting us. Psychologists call this a “narcotizing dysfunction”.  There won’t be much we don’t know, its just that no one will be thinking about it.  We’ll be too doped up on superfluous information to care.

The ability to think deeply about the information of our lives and discern what requires our attention involves mindfulness. Mindfulness is a preconditioned state of acute awareness. It doesn’t happen instantly but takes deliberate practice over time. There are two ways to hone our ability to think and be aware:

  • Contemplate. The Greek word for “leisure” is “scole”. It is the root for the English words “school” and “scholarship”.  In other words, the Greeks believed learning was a leisurely pursuit with unencumbered time to explore a subject deeply.  It was understood not as idleness, but as time spent in exploration and conversation around an idea. The best way to learn anything, and learn it deeply, was to the have the time to do it.  Ask any teacher today if his/her classroom is a place of leisure and they’ll look at you like you’re crazy.  The educational endeavor in schools is too tense to get a whole lot out of it.
  • Resonate. I biked 120 miles with my college buddies shortly after graduation. We would align ourselves tightly behind the wheel of the rider in front of us to conserve energy by drafting.  Every once and a while one of us would veer out of the alignment. It was dangerous. We came up with a way to help deal with it. We would yell to the person in front of us to, “hold your line, big fella!”. I guess you had to be there.  Anyway, this world is desperate for people who hold the line, those who are unwavering in their commitment to virtue and integrity. To resonate is to take the time to align the deepest values to the totality of who you are. It takes time to develop and calibrate an harmonious inner and outer self.  In this chaotic morass of change we find ourselves in, its more important than ever to be a resonated person that can help get us through.

What are some contemporary barriers you see to contemplation and resonation? What are some ways we can take time to do both? Comment here>>

 

 

 

By Jeff Vankooten • adaptation, Attitude, Imagination, resilience, thinking, tough times • 1 • Tags: , , , ,

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